this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
