she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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