When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
