He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
