You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to make out with him forever
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
