but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it's great music for shaving your balls
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
