it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
