Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
