How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
