I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
