Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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