it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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