he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
