Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
