Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boobs speak an international language.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
