Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
