Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
