He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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