Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
