her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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