She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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