Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
