I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
