Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The police scanner is talking about you again....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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