You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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