Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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