After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
