she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
