why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
