I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
