if i can run in heels then i can drive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am spending my child support on dildos
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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