what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
