So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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