WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
