and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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