I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
