hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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