Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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