All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
