I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
