i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
