i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
