I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
