i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
