there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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