Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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