I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
