If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
