sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think your dad took our porno
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
