Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
