we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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