Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
this is an emotional support booty call
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
