i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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