Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
