I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
