So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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