listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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