very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
