Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
